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She shows us how to work the Change Triangle in our everyday lives and chart a deeply personal, powerful, and hopeful course to psychological well-being and emotional engagement.
Sure there is some psychobabble and slightly over the top writing going on here, but what self help book is 100% without that? So it's not IF we have emotions, as we all are born with the same 7 core emotions and 3 inhibitory emotions of anxiety, guilt, and shame. In an openhearted state, we are calm; curious about our mind, the minds of others, and the world at large; connected to our body and to the hearts and minds of others; compassionate to ourselves and to others; confident in who we are; courageous in our actions; and clear in thought. He could barely bring himself to speak, and his voice, when I managed to get anything out of him, was meek. I think the title was kind of 'gimmicky' and can be triggering for some people with depression, or some readers got triggered because they know people affected by depression and its debilitating effects.What is unique in this book is Hendel's mission to take psychotherapeutic tools and present and rework them in a way that can be used by individuals . It's things like how your parents brought you up and that one time they didn't let you quit the football club and you've been nursing that grudge for three thousand decades. Couch features essays by psychotherapists, patients and others about the experience of therapy — psychoanalysis, cognitive behavioral therapy, group therapy, marriage therapy, hypnotherapy or any other kind of curative talk between people behind closed doors. It’s Not Always Depression is author and therpaist Hilary Jacobs Hendel’s popularization of AEDP and a tool used in AEDP known as the Change Tangle. I'm writing some of my favorite parts here, but I'd still definitely re-read it to see the up close and personal applications of the triangle with different people.
It has long been suggested that our attachment styles in childhood explain our adult relationships and Hendel explains that trauma is the root cause of our psychological distress. It is because the real reason behind it was my fear and shame that developed in me growing up with neglectful parents and constant chaos at home. This is possible but requires working the Change Triangle to arrive in the openhearted state as often as possible and tolerating the discomfort that change always brings. The only reason I gave this book a 2/5 rather than a 1/5 is I liked that Hendel made a distinction between small-t "trauma" and big-T "Trauma.Moreover, Hilary Jacobs Hendel’s writing is lucid and accessible, which makes her method as clear and practical as you can get in self-help titles.
Useful if the cause of your negative emotions is in the past, or if you have any positive emotions available to feel now. Accepting their chaos, constant fluctuations, unreliable nature, and effects on how we feel is ultimately all we can do.When using this tool, Jacobs is able to help her patients heal past wounds, depression, anxiety, stress, or trauma; by accessing the memories of the deeply buried core emotions from the past, patients can release and experience their emotion, feel it in their bodies and release it. Additionally, if we own the damage we did with our actions, whether we did it on purpose or by accident, can be healing.
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